


i like my girls just like i like my honey - sweet

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: !!!!!!!!!!, F/F, Human AU, Smoke Alarm AU, The doctor is a mad inventor and river makes dirty jokes about her sonic, but very very wip sorry, happy anniversary to the married idiots who have taken over my life, in which river breaks into the doctor’s house to disable her smoke alarm, meet cute, now a multi chap with actual plot!!!!!!, they’re neighbours and river has had Enough
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:45:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: “I broke into your apartment and now you’re offering me biscuits,” River states, staring down at the treat, not sure whether or not to accept. “I’m not entirely sure this is how most trespassing cases go.”The woman shrugs. “Always happy to meet new people. Even if they are intent on destroying my smoke alarm.”





	1. i like my girls just like i like my honey - sweet, a little selfish

**Author's Note:**

> For the Doctor and River’s anniversary!!!! My own personal gift to them because I love them so much and I would never have met friends that I treasure with all my heart if I hadn’t joined this fandom. 
> 
> As always, a special thank you to Cassie, who beta read this and almost every other fic I’ve written. <3
> 
> Title from ‘Honey’ by Kehlani.

River Song pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration, willing herself to concentrate on the page in front of her. Marking essays has never been her favourite part of being a professor, but she’s never had trouble carrying out that task - until now. Pushing her glasses up again, she closes her eyes and tries to rid her head of thoughts, but the steady pounding in her head makes it even harder to concentrate.

Holding her red pen tighter and determined to finish marking at least one essay before going to bed, she pushes her blonde curls out of her eyes and sighs again, starting over.

She almost gets to the end of the first paragraph before she loses focus - not her fault, this time.

The smoke alarm from one of the apartments below her starts sounding, and she growls her frustration. _God,_ she can’t catch a break. Praying that the idiot whose smoke alarm is beeping disables it quickly, she flops back in her chair, the dull ringing still shrill in her ears.

Her head already pounding, she lets out a louder, more sinister growl and glares out the open window, hoping the mere intensity of her stare will let her neighbour know how close she is to snapping.

But it doesn’t, of course, and River slams the window shut, scaring the birds that had been perched on top. The shrill ringing continues on, though the sound is significantly muffled. River collapses on her chair, staring balefully at the stack of essays she has no will or desire to mark. But if she doesn’t get it done now, she won’t have her precious day off tomorrow - and that would just turn her already foul mood worse.

Straightening her back and taking a sip of her favourite tea, she picks up her red pen again and starts to read. But her concentration lasts all of five seconds, because the moment her eyes settle on the page, she swears the blasted alarm grows louder somehow.

Standing up so harshly that she feels the chair slide back and collide with the wall behind her, she ties her hair back and decides that she’ll do her neighbour a small favour and disable the bloody thing for them. And if her fingers slip and somehow dismantles the entire thing - well, one can only assume it was an accident.

Slipping an extra bobby pin into her pocket, she exits her flat and trudges downstairs towards the shrill ringing. Glancing around and wondering how the people in the idiot’s immediate vicinity can stand the maddening sound for so long, she creeps towards the door that seems to be hiding the source of the noise.

She pulls the bobby pin out of her pocket and inserts it carefully into the keyhole, fiddling with it expertly until she hears a satisfying _click_ and the door unlocks. Making sure to be as silent as possible, she swings the door open and carefully steps into the apartment. She’d been expecting a dark, deserted house but to her surprise, the flat is bright, twinkling lights lining the room.

Raising her eyebrows in mild amusement and assuming that the owner had simply forgotten to turn the lights off, River continues her way through the living room and into the hallway, where the smoke alarm is still beeping incessantly.

Finding a stool already sitting in the corner directly below where the alarm is placed, River grins at her luck and steps on it, determined to smash the darn thing into dust with her bare hands.

She huffs a stray curl out of her face and gets to work, examining the device thoroughly. In any other circumstance, she probably would have realised that she was being watched. But in her concentration and glee at the entire situation, she doesn’t notice the pair of brown eyes following her around curiously.

“What are you doing?” an unfamiliar voice asks from behind her.

River doesn’t jump in surprise but she does tense up, and she turns slowly, still on the stool, to face the person. She’s greeted by an oddly-dressed woman, her brown eyes not afraid but still cautious. She wears a blue shirt with a rainbow on her chest, tucked into trousers that are held up by rainbow braces. River finds it strikingly odd that anyone would dress such a way while in their own house, but she doesn’t say anything about it.

Instead, she raises an eyebrow at the woman. “I’m disabling your smoke alarm,” she says curtly, turning and pointedly pressing a button on the side. The silence that fills her ears afterwards is a blessing. “Since you are clearly incapable of doing so yourself.”

“I could’ve done that myself!” the woman says defensively.

“And yet, here I am.”

“How did you get in?” the woman asks instead, and River takes note of her accent - Northern, she thinks.

“I picked the lock,” River answers simply.

The woman frowns. “That’s incredibly rude.”

“So is the infuriating beeping coming from your smoke alarm,” River says, stepping down from the stool and approaching the woman. “Some people have work to do and your little device is keeping them from doing it.”

A little red creeps up the woman’s neck and ears as River watches in satisfaction, crossing her arms.

“Sorry,” the woman mutters sheepishly. “I was testing a prototype on it.”

“Prototype?” River repeats, frowning in thought. “Hang on, are you the inventor? Amy told me you’d be moving in next week.”

“Well, I’m here early!” she says, spreading her arms and presenting herself. “You know what they say - the early riser gets the most biscuits.”

“That is definitely not the saying,” River says, her lips twitching slightly. “And I’m not entirely sure that’s how leases work.”

“Neither am I. That’s why I’m here early,” she says, before adding as an afterthought, “Well, that and my last landlord kicked me out after my eighth explosion nearly killed her cat. Tetchy woman.”

Something dings in another room and her eyes light up excitedly. “Biscuits! Would you like some? I’m not a baker, but I make pretty decent ones.”

River, thoroughly intrigued by the eccentric owner of the apartment, follows her into the kitchen. She watches as the woman places the biscuits carefully onto a plate and offers it out to her.

“I broke into your apartment and now you’re offering me biscuits,” River states, staring down at the treat, not sure whether or not to accept. “I’m not entirely sure this is how most trespassing cases go.”

The woman shrugs. “Always happy to meet new people. Even if they are intent on destroying my smoke alarm.”

River doesn’t even blink at the - albeit true - accusation. She takes a biscuit off the plate and gingerly takes a bite, deciding that the woman might be an inventor but she does not have the skills required of a baker. Either that or she has an incredibly sweet tooth.

“But you’re - ” River coughs and swallows the biscuit forcefully down her throat, making a mental note to throw the remainder of it out her window when she gets back home. “You’re the Doctor, aren’t you? The famous inventor.”

The woman’s eyes light up even brighter this time and she sounds extremely surprised and flattered when she says, “You’ve heard of me?”

River snorts. “It’s hard not to when your students are using those damn inventions of yours to cause a ruckus in class.”

“Oh,” the Doctor says, blushing again. “Yes, well, I’m working on something that’s actually useful this time. Wanna see?”

And before River can even open her mouth to answer, the Doctor takes her hand and pulls her out of the kitchen, leading her past the smoke alarm and into one of the rooms. She tries to protest, but the Doctor pushes the door open and the words die on her lips.

It almost feels like she’s entered an entirely different universe. The room looks like a lab, a lair and a bedroom all at once - there is a wall full of every tool imaginable. Past inventions, both half-finished and perfected line the shelves; the windows have been boarded up by a chalkboard filled with untidy scribbles of complex equations; there is a tiny makeshift bed right under it, where she suspects the Doctor spends most of her nights.

“Welcome to my TARDIS,” the Doctor says proudly.

“TARDIS?” River repeats.

“Treacherous And Rambunctious Development In Side.”

River blinks. “But ‘inside’ is one word.”

The Doctor frowns as though she hadn’t realised. “So it is. But it sounds better. Anyway, here’s what I’m working on.”

She swipes something off the centre of the shelves and hands it to River carefully, who examines the weirdly-shaped instrument in hand. She turns it over and the corners of her mouth start twitching upwards as she compares it with another device she has at home - shaped just like this one, and the tip even has a little blue light on.

“So your latest invention is… a vibrator.” River states unflinchingly.

The Doctor blanches and squeaks in surprise, her face turning red. “I - a vib - that’s not what it is!”

River, who has been watching the Doctor stammer and blush in amusement, blinks innocently. “It’s not? But the shape and the tip -”

“It’s a _screwdriver_!” The Doctor says, taking the prototype back from River, apparently offended by her remark. She frowns down at it, as though she hadn’t noticed the similarity before. “A sonic screwdriver. That’s what I’m calling it.”

“Well, it certainly looks like it’s meant to screw _something,_ sweetie, I’m just not sure it’s what you intended.” River smirks as the Doctor’s blush deepens but she tries to hide it. Bless.

“It’s not,” the Doctor says, attempting not to fidget awkwardly.

“Well, what is it supposed to do, then?” River asks expectantly after a moment, when the Doctor doesn’t continue.

“Oh, yes! Right.” The Doctor snaps into action, twirling the device in her hands and smiling at River. “Wait till you see this.”

The Doctor gives a happy laugh and takes River’s hand, leading her to a corner of the room in an almost giddy fashion. River lets a small smile escape past her lips at the other woman’s display of almost childlike excitement. There’s just something so very endearing about it all.

The Doctor makes a dramatic motion with her sonic screwdriver, waving it above her head in a rainbow gesture and pointing it in an outstretched hand at the door. She seems to be concentrating hard, her forehead beading in sweat as she frowns, and after a few seconds - right when River is about to make a witty retort - the lock _clicks_ and the door moves just slightly, leaving it ajar.

River raises her eyebrows in surprise as the Doctor turns to look at her, obviously tremendously pleased with herself. River frowns and tilts her head at the door, as if trying to piece together a difficult riddle.

“So… your sonic dildo-” River smirks as the Doctor turns bright red and starts sputtering incoherently, “-unlocks doors?”

“It’s a _screwdriver,_ ” the Doctor emphasises to her, but it just makes River’s smirk widen. “And it responds to all my thoughts. Well, almost all my thoughts.” The Doctor adds afterwards, and River gives her a questioning look. “Umm - how do I explain this? So, because the lock is just a mechanism and only requires a force to turn it, it’s able to do that. And for example, with the light -” she indicates the light bulbs dangling from the ceiling, illuminating the room, “-because it’s just one source of energy, which is -”

“Light energy, yes.” River interrupts, watching and listening in apparent fascination.

The Doctor’s cheeks turn slightly pink. “Right. Well, the sonic is able to do that fairly easily, as well.” She makes the dramatic motion again and points the instrument at one of the light bulbs above them as River watches, a smile tugging at her lips. The light distinguishes after a few moments, and River looks mildly impressed as the Doctor turns to face her.

“But the smoke alarm -?” River asks.

“Emits both light and sound energy. Two different energies to displace - I reckon the sonic isn’t ready for it yet.” She frowns down at the sonic screwdriver, her nose scrunching up adorably in thought. “I’ll have to make a few adjustments here and there.”

River appreciates intelligence. Especially in strangely-dressed, quirky blonde women who are inventors. Well, the Doctor might be a special case.

She’s always assumed that the Doctor was a man. Everyone had talked about him - _her -_ like she was some kind of god, a prodigy in her field. Now, it seems so very ridiculous that the Doctor would be anything but a woman. It seems fitting, somehow, to picture this brilliant, intelligent inventor hard at work.

And to experience her genius firsthand - that was entirely something else. River feels so drawn to all of her inventions - the products of that wonderful mind sitting in the Doctor’s pretty head. And not just her work - the place itself, her prototypes, the chalkboard full of equations - just _her_ in general.

Oh, yes. River certainly appreciates intelligence in all women - but one woman in particular stands out among the rest.

“So the screwdriver,” River begins, and she has to fight back a smile when the Doctor lights up at her use of the proper name for the tool, “it responds to anyone that’s holding it?”

“No, not exactly,” the Doctor says sheepishly. She sets the sonic down on her workshop table. “Right now I’ve only been able to get it to link telepathically with me. So it’ll respond to my thoughts, but not anyone else’s.”

“Ah,” River says, slightly disappointed. Perhaps the Doctor realises, because she quickly tries to reassure.

“I-I’ve been trying to get people to test it on, actually. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get it to work soon, but unfortunately I’m low on test subjects at the moment,” she says, her cheeks turning pink as she scratches her head awkwardly. “Zero, actually. Had to let them all go when I left Sheffield and moved here. They were all very nice about it.”

“So… without them, you won’t be able to know for sure if the sonic screwdriver works with anyone else?” River clarifies, and the Doctor nods.

“Know anyone willing to risk their lives at the hands of a mad inventor?” she asks, only half joking.

River blinks. “I’ll do it,” she says.

The Doctor laughs. “You’re a funny one.”

When River merely raises her eyebrows at her, the Doctor’s laugh starts to fade.

“Wait, you’re being serious?”

River shrugs. “Why not?” she says. She turned to inspect more prototypes lining the shelves before facing the Doctor again, barely concealing her smirk. “I’ve got room on my shelf for one more vibrator.”

The Doctor coughs again, her cheeks reddening for the third time in just a few minutes. Her eyes shift down for just a fraction of a second, but River catches the disappointment written plainly in her eyes before she looks up again and all trace of it disappears. River feels just a hint of _something_ tugging at her heart at the loss of that bright smile.

“Well, what’s your price?” the Doctor asks.

“Price?” River repeats.

“Yeah. For being my test subject. I can afford it now that most of my inventions have been marketed, so you can quote any price -”

“Oh sweetie, you could never afford me,” River says lowly, her voice laced with suggestion that makes the Doctor bite back a fond smile. “But I’m doing fine for myself. Consider it a compromise.”

“Compromise? What kind of compromise?” the Doctor asks, eyebrows raised in mild apprehension.

“Stop testing your prototype on your smoke alarm while I’m marking my papers,” River proposes, settling herself down on the swivel chair without invitation, “and I’ll become one of your test subjects.”

“Friends. I prefer to call them friends.” the Doctor corrects hurriedly, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear.

River nods, biting back a smile. “Friends, then.”

The Doctor gives her a bright smile and she returns it rather easily, surprised at how quickly she’s bonded with her. River isn’t usually very easy to befriend - she’s only had two friends her entire life. Amy, who owns the building and who River had grown up with - and by extension, Rory, Amy’s husband. She hadn’t ever felt the need to be friendly, but the Doctor seems to bring that quality out in her.

How very interesting.

“Would you like to stay for a cup of tea?” the Doctor asks politely,  a hint of hope in her eyes as she rocks back and forth on the balls of her feet. “I’ve got English breakfast and chamomile.”

River tilts her head at the Doctor as if considering her options, but when she replies she doesn’t actually answer the question.

“You know, I don’t actually know your name,” River says, leaning back in her chair and looking up at the Doctor.

“Uhh - it’s Jane,” the Doctor supplies immediately, a soft smile on her face. “Jane Smith.”

River scrunches her nose in distaste. “I prefer the Doctor.”

“Why?” she asks, mildly offended.

River smiles at her. “‘Jane Smith’ is entirely too common a name for someone like you.”

The Doctor beams at that. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Good. That’s what I meant it as.” River smiles.

“I didn’t catch your name, either,” the Doctor asks subtly, her eyes enquiring.

“River Song.”

The Doctor smiles at that, turning away. River frowns in confusion.

“What?” River asks.

“River Song,” the Doctor repeats, as if testing the words on her tongue. “It suits you very well - unique and - and, well, beautiful,” the Doctor blushes slightly again, and River’s amused smile turns soft at the sight of her sincerity. “Your name is brilliant.”

“Thank you,” River says softly, not quite sure how to react to that.

“We should get dinner,” the Doctor says, her words rushed and forced as if willing herself to say them before she loses the nerve. “Er - together,” she adds.

“Dinner?” River repeats.

“Yes. Um - well, only if you want to. I mean, it’s the least I can do since I distracted you from your marking and you very graciously volunteered to be my friend,” the Doctor says. Her words start unsure and hopeful, but she grows more confident as she goes on, when River doesn’t seem disgusted by the idea.

“All right,” River agrees easily. “Tomorrow?”

“Oh, um - I was thinking more - now?” the Doctor asks, still hopeful.

“Sweetie, I have papers to mark. But tomorrow’s my day off,” River adds, at the look of disappointment on the Doctor’s face. “And I owe you a meal too, for breaking into your apartment. Lunch, then?”

The Doctor’s face lightens up instantly at River’s implication of spending the entire day together. She nods eagerly in agreement, and River smiles warmly up at her before getting up from the chair.

As she turns to leave the room, the Doctor calls out, “River!”

She turns, finding the Doctor smiling shyly at her. The sight is quite endearing, actually. “So - tomorrow. It’s a date, yeah?”

River nods, smiling. “It’s a date.”

The Doctor gives her another delighted grin and River is just about to turn and leave the room when she springs into action.

“I’ll walk you to the door!” the Doctor says, and before River can protest, she’s taking her hand gently and leading them towards the front of the flat.

“It was lovely meeting you,” River says, stepping out of the apartment.

“It was very nice meeting you, too.” The Doctor smiles, before hanging back awkwardly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yes. Tomorrow,” River confirms again. “Well, goodnight then.”

River leans forward and presses her lips tenderly to the Doctor’s cheek. She smells like an odd combination of metal, butter and sugar - something River never thought she’d smell. It isn’t quite as bad as it sounds. Very pleasant, really.

She pushes away and gives the Doctor a bright smile before turning and disappearing down the corridor. The Doctor is still standing there, stunned, with a hand still lightly touching her cheek. She gulps nervously and lets out a small breath.

A beautiful woman had just broken into her flat and kissed her cheek. And she’d just asked that same beautiful woman out on a date and - and she’d _agreed._ She’d even insisted on having lunch before that - _two_ dates. In one day.

Her heart still fluttering in her chest at the feel of River’s soft lips on her skin, she shuts the door and turns towards her empty apartment.

A huge smile forms on her face.

“ _Brilliant.”_


	2. i like my women like my money - green; jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hi,” says Amy Pond, the landlord. 
> 
> “Hi, Amy,” the Doctor says cheerfully, hiding a little disappointment at not seeing River on the other side. “What are you doing here?”
> 
> “Oh, I’m here to give you a heads up that your rent is due in three days.” Amy says casually, red hair falling into her eyes. 
> 
> “Oh, yes, rent - yes, okay, that’s fine.” The Doctor stumbles a little. She’d completely forgotten about the rent, but that’s alright. She still has a stash of cash leftover from the sale of her last three inventions. She looks up at the redhead again. “Is that all?”
> 
> “What are you doing tomorrow?” She asks suddenly, taking the Doctor aback.
> 
> “Tomorrow? Well, nothing, but maybe River - ”
> 
> “Come over for dinner with us.” She says - she doesn’t ask, and the Doctor thinks she wouldn’t be able to decline even if she did. “We’ll have pasta - Rory is making fettuccine alfredo, it’s to die for - and River’s coming over for dessert after work. So, you’ll be there, yeah? You know which unit’s ours, right? Perfect. See you tomorrow, 7 sharp. Night!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!!! Okay so, i’m very sorry but this story isn’t my first priority right now, so updates will be slow. I’m hoping to focus on some other fics first, but i really need some motivation (ie comments) so if you guys could check out my twelve/river wip here. It’s okay if you don’t, tho. I’m just a really thirsty ho. 
> 
> This is unbeta’d, cuz cassie lives in a different time zone as me :))))

Getting River to warm up to her has been a challenge, but the Doctor has never had so much fun with anyone else. As a professor, River takes her job seriously, but when she’s off the clock, she has the wildest, most thrilling ideas for dates that she’s ever been on. 

Their first date happened almost a month ago, and that was when the Doctor first got a taste of just how adventurous she is. River had taken her to a private beach just at the edge of town, where a large beach house sat. The Doctor had initially thought that River owned it, but when she started expertly scaling the fence and landed gracefully on her feet on the other side, the Doctor’s eyes had widened comically.

_ “River!” _ The Doctor protested, looking at her in shock through the fence. River just smirked back, tilting her head expectantly. “I thought - you - we’re  _ breaking in?” _

River lifted a shoulder nonchalantly. “The owners owe me a favour and I’ve come to collect.” She turned to face the house. “Pity they’re not in.”

The Doctor gaped at her, too much in shock to say anything.

River turned around again and looked at the Doctor. “Well? Aren’t you coming?”

The Doctor remained silent but her eyes roamed around the property, wondering if there was another way in that wouldn’t result in any injuries. When she found nothing else, she sighed, resigned.

_ The things I do for beautiful women, _ she thought.

River’s smirk grew wider. “Why, thank you, Doctor.”

The Doctor blushed, but she didn’t answer. She managed to hoist herself up on the fence, carefully placing her right leg over the wooden surface. Just as she leant forward to place the other foot on the other side of the fence, she lost her footing and fell to the ground, arms flailing around her.

She landed flat on her face, groaning quietly as she stood up to brush the dirt off her clothes. River took her hand to help her up, and when the Doctor tried to read her expression, all she could see was mild amusement taking over her concern.

“Shut up,” the Doctor said good-naturedly. River said nothing.

River broke into the beach house and used the kitchen to prepare a scrumptious picnic while the Doctor watched. She tried helping but River sternly ordered her not to touch anything, not quite trusting the Doctor’s clumsy nature after the display at the fence. 

Afterwards, they took a walk on the beach to find a perfect spot for their picnic. They laid out a giant blanket and chatted idly, barefoot as the Doctor tried throwing a strawberry up into the air and catching it with her mouth. 

They lingered for a little while, sticking their feet into the water and splashing softly at each other, but soon the sun started to set and River told the Doctor that it was time to leave. The Doctor felt a rush of disappointment at the reminder that her day with River was coming to an end but it quickly dissipated when she realised that it was almost time for dinner - which meant that it was time for her to take River out on a date.

When they finished putting everything back to where it was, the Doctor took River’s hand and rushed excitedly out onto the street where River had parked. River had adamantly refused to give her the keys when the Doctor asked, but then she’d pouted and promised that the surprise was worth it - and she gave in, quite easily, though she would never admit it if anyone asked.

The Doctor drove as clumsily as she did everything else - she sped through town like she had a death wish, and though River had shouted at her to use the brakes she quite liked the thrill of it all. The Doctor stopped quite abruptly at an abandoned train station, hopped out of the car, and fished something out of her pocket, handing it out to River.

River took it with a little trepidation, holding it in her hand. It was black tie. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“Wear it. Around your eyes.” The Doctor said brightly, jumping a bit excitedly on her toes. “It’s a blindfold.”

River raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to take me to your underground sex dungeon, are you?”

“I - I don’t -  _ River!” _ The Doctor sputtered, her cheeks turning red. She looks quite adorable like that under the orange light of the street lamps, River notes.

“How disappointing,” she said dryly, though the twinkle in her eye tells the Doctor that she’s quite excited for the surprise. 

She let the Doctor tie the blindfold around her head gently, checking whether she felt comfortable with it. River felt the Doctor’s small hand wrapping around one of her own and leading her carefully into the tunnel under the train station.

River was very mindful of where she stepped, her other senses on high alert since she’d been deprived of her sight. She was careful to memorise every turn they took, her ears perking every time she heard an odd sound from the distance, but the Doctor squeezed her hand reassuringly to tell her that there wasn’t any need to worry. Soon, River relaxed, though she couldn’t help the bit of worry lingering in the pit of her stomach.

“Doctor, when are we getting there?” She asked impatiently, tired of hearing their footsteps echo around the tunnel with every step.

“Shush, we’re almost there.” The Doctor said, though the note of enthusiasm in her voice couldn’t be missed. River found it the most endearing thing about her - that she couldn’t help but seem excited about even the littlest things. “Before I moved here, I did some exploring - you know, to get to know the area. I love knowing little secrets of places. And Leadworth has so little of them - but when I found this spot, I knew I found the place I wanted to go.”

Even through the blindfold, River could see that they were approaching light again. Beyond their noisy footsteps, she could hear the loud noise of water crashing against a pool.

“Doctor, is that a -?” River started to ask, but as she took a step forward, she did not land on concrete, as she’d been expecting. Instead, soft grass and mud squelched under her boots, and she tried looking down before realising she wouldn’t be able to see anything.

“You can take off your blindfold now,” the Doctor said softly, letting go of River’s hand. 

River’s hands reached behind her head, undoing the knot slowly and delicately. She wanted to take in the spiritual beauty of the place before she saw it physically. She could feel the wind, hear it rustle through the leaves of trees; she could smell wet grass and rain and salty water; she felt small droplets of water raining on her face as she approached what sounded like a waterfall, and she pulled the tie from her eyes.

It was nature at its finest - a waterfall just a few feet from the tunnel, flowing out into a large lake. They were surrounded by forests and forests of trees, green leaves as far as the eye can see, and River could tell that no human had ever stepped into this area since the tunnel was built. Not until the Doctor, at least.

“I found this place a while ago and started to look into it - a train tunnel leading to a waterfall seems like a captivating mystery, doesn’t it?” The Doctor began, her eyes roaming around the area proudly, happy that she’d been the one to have brought River here. “Turns out that the city was building a train station near here a few decades ago, and this would have been the nearest route to the next town. It was already in development when wildlife activists and nature preservers caught wind that it would mean the destruction of a whole area of the only forest in Leadworth. They won eventually, of course.” She sighed happily. “Of course, it wasn’t much of a mystery as I’d hoped, but it makes for a good story.”

“It really is beautiful,” River said softly, walking slowly towards the lake.

She bends down and to stick her hand in the water, breathing out in awe when she sees just how clear the water is, touching the sand beneath it and smiling softly. 

“You like it?” The Doctor asked shyly, bouncing a little on her toes.

River looked back at her, a warm smile covering her face. “I love it.”

After that, they’d been inseparable.

They’ve been on almost a dozen dates since then - they had to work around River’s schedule, since the Doctor is a freelancer. Though it’s been merely a month, the Doctor can’t help but feel a kind of intimacy with River - a closeness that she hasn’t shared with anyone since her last real relationship. She trusts her very much, and she can’t say that for most people.

A knock on the door interrupts her focus from her work, and she lifts the welding goggles from her eyes, blowing strands of blonde hair from her face and frowning at the door. She isn’t expecting anyone today.

Figuring that it’s just River surprising her after work, she removes her gloves but she doesn’t remove her apron, opening the door with the bright smile that she always wears when she sees River.

“Hi,” says Amy Pond, the landlord. 

“Hi, Amy,” the Doctor says cheerfully, hiding a little disappointment at not seeing River on the other side. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m here to give you a heads up that your rent is due in three days.” Amy says casually, red hair falling into her eyes. 

“Oh, yes, rent - yes, okay, that’s fine.” The Doctor stumbles a little. She’d completely forgotten about the rent, but that’s alright. She still has a stash of cash leftover from the sale of her last three inventions. She looks up at the redhead again. “Is that all?”

“What are you doing tomorrow?” She asks suddenly, taking the Doctor aback.

“Tomorrow? Well, nothing, but maybe River - ”

“Come over for dinner with us.” She says - she doesn’t ask, and the Doctor thinks she wouldn’t be able to decline even if she did. “We’ll have pasta - Rory is making fettuccine alfredo, it’s to die for - and River’s coming over for dessert after work. So, you’ll be there, yeah? You know which unit’s ours, right? Perfect. See you tomorrow, 7 sharp. Night!”

Amy doesn’t wait for a reply. She rushes down the hallway and out of sight - she doesn’t even remind the other tenants that their rent is due soon. The Doctor tilts her head, bewildered and curious in equal measure. 

She hasn’t really spent time with her landlord yet, or her husband, Rory. She knows that they’re River’s best friends, that they grew up together in the same neighbourhood and moved to town together, but other than that she doesn’t really know anything about them. To have Amy suddenly come over and invite her for lunch when she knows that she usually lets her tenants keep to themselves is slightly peculiar.

Perhaps River had told them that they’ve been seeing each other. Perhaps they’ve taken over the role of River’s parents and want to question the Doctor on how she’s been treating their friend. Either way, a small ball of worry grows in her chest and plants itself there. 

She knows that River, much like herself, doesn’t have any family. Amy and Rory are her friends, her found family, and she has certain colleagues in the university that she looks up to, but that’s it. The Doctor had a found family once, but that changed since she moved to Leadworth. River is quite honestly the only person she sees frequently, excluding the lovely old cashier at the supermarket who loves to chat with her.

The thought of Amy and Rory embracing her and welcoming into the group they share with River is so very enticing. She’d love to know all about them, about how River was as a young girl and a teenager, and how they grew up together. She wanted to be a part of it.

But a little anxiety settles in her heart. What if they didn’t like her? What if they thought she was too unreliable, or too unsteady, or too unstable to support River in the long run? Would River take their advice to heart?

A small shiver runs through her at the thought. 

She has to impress the Ponds.

*

The first thing she notices when Amy opens the door is that their flat is incredibly tidy. The Doctor can smell the creamy sauce simmering on the stove and she spies Rory in the kitchen, peering into a pot. Amy smiles at her and welcomes her in

“Doctor! We’re so glad you could make it!”

The Doctor thought it unwise to point out that she didn’t exactly have a choice. “Of course! Love a nice dinner, me.”

She continues looking around the apartment, noticing that it’s a rather sizable place compared to the tenants'. There are so many open windows, allowing the warm orange glow of the sunset to filter into the living room, giving it a wonderful cosy feeling.

“Umm - I brought some biscuits.” The Doctor offers Amy, and Amy takes them with a rather mild apprehension, having heard about the Doctor’s sweet biscuits through River. “I’m glad you invited me for dinner.”

Amy shoots her a kind smile as she puts the container of biscuit in the kitchen. She gestures towards a tall, sandy-haired and slightly timid looking man.

“This is Rory,” she introduces. “My husband.”

“Mr Pond! So nice to meet you!” She says enthusiastically, shaking Rory’s proffered hand.

“Um - I - it’s actually Williams, Rory Williams.” He corrects, looking utterly bewildered.

“Hmm,” the Doctor says thoughtfully, tilting her head at the couple. “I like Pond better.”

She exchanges a look with Amy and the redhead bursts into laughter, though her husband does not look amused at all. 

“Oh, I’ve a feeling we’re going to like you, Doctor.”

*

Once they’re all seated at the table, the questions start. The Doctor had known this was coming - prepared for it beforehand, even - but the husband and wife are so much more forthcoming than she expected them to be, and some of their questions take her off guard.

“So - have you seen River’s apartment yet?” Rory asks.

“Or, more specifically, her bedroom?” Amy quips, and Rory gives his wife a less than subtle glare.

The Doctor doesn’t exactly know what they’re getting at - why is that important? As she thinks about it, she realises that all this while they’ve been dating, the Doctor hasn’t set foot in River’s apartment. Sure, she waits outside and catches a glimpse of the interior when she’s picking her up for a date, but actually  _ being _ inside? That’s never happened.

And she wonders why.

“Actually - no,” she says, feeling surprised by her own answer. “She hasn’t - I mean, it hasn’t really happened yet. We usually get together in my apartment.”

“And what do you do in your apartment?” Amy asks, and Rory has given up being subtle, now turning his head to glare at his wife full-on. Amy ignores him.

“All sorts of things,” the Doctor answers, and she can’t really understand why Rory turns red almost immediately while Amy shoots him a smirk. “Sometimes she brings her papers to mark while I work on my prototype, and sometimes we bake biscuits together - though she always does the actual mixing of ingredients because she insists that my biscuits are too sweet, which is frankly ridiculous - and sometimes we’ll get take-out and just talk.”

“Nothing else?” Amy pushes, and Rory now turns to look away, looking extremely uncomfortable with the conversation, though the Doctor can’t understand why. “Has River seen your bedroom?”

“Well, she saw it the first time she met me,” the Doctor answers, and somehow this incites an immediate reaction from the Ponds: Rory coughs and sputters out some of the pasta he’d made, and Amy spits out some of the red wine she’d been drinking. Alarmed by their reactions, the Doctor says quickly, “but - I mean - it’s not much of a bedroom anyway, it’s really a workshop for my inventions - I showed her some of the things I’m working on, including my current project, and - ”

“Wait, so,” gasps Amy, still coughing, “so she hasn’t - she hasn’t  _ been _ on your bed?”

The Doctor frowns. “Why would River be on my bed?”

“What do you mean  _ why _ \- ” Amy starts, but the Doctor continues as if she wasn’t interrupted.

“River isn’t very overall fond of my bedroom in general, so we rarely go inside it when she comes around. And she doesn’t like that I sleep on a mattress next to the wires, so we don’t really -”

“For God’s sake, Doctor, did you shag River or not?” Rory bursts out, and Amy and the Doctor both stare at him in shock, mouths agog.

It takes a moment for Rory to register that his outburst was indeed real, and when he realises, his entire face turns red and he turns away, picking up a glass of wine and downing it in one go. 

Amy is the first to recover. “Extremely subtle, husband.” She teases.

“Shut up,” Rory mumbles into his glass, cheeks still flaming red.

The Doctor too, turns red, and is unable to physically say anything as the Ponds look at her expectantly, waiting for her answer.

“Well I - that is to say, we - we’ve never - I mean, it hasn’t come up ye - it’s only been a while - we - ”

“Okay, good.” Amy says, nodding her head satisfactorily. “It means River really likes you, and my husband owes me ten quid.”

“River likes me?”

Amy looks at her weirdly. “‘Course she does, numpty. Goes out with you, doesn’t she? Waited till now and she still hasn’t shagged you, has she? Last time she went out, it was another one of those shag-and-run type of situation.” 

Rory nods in agreement. “River isn’t usually the type to commit.”

The Doctor stares at them, and she  _ really _ wants to know - but should she ask River herself? What would she say to the Doctor - someone she apparently really likes - prying from her two best and only friends?

“Listen,” Amy speaks again, and the Doctor is saved from having to pore over her dilemma even further. “We love River with all our hearts - we do. She’s amazing. But she makes some mistakes sometimes - especially with her partners. So don’t let yourself become one of those mistakes, yeah? And everything will be fine between us.”

“Ponds,” the Doctor starts, not entirely sure what she should say but knowing that it’s her turn to speak. “I genuinely do like River. She’s smart and she’s beautiful - and even better, she can take care of herself. She doesn’t need anyone. She’ll be just fine without me. That makes me like her even more.” The Doctor lifts her shoulders in a shrug. “I don’t know if I’ll become one of River’s mistakes. But right now, I’m with her, and she makes me happy. I like to think that I make her happy, too.”

The Ponds seem surprised by her answer. It’s apparent that they hadn’t expected such an answer, but if they want to make sure that the Doctor isn’t on her path to hurting River, then they should know. They’re the closest thing that River has to a family - they definitely should know. 

Just then, the front door opens and River appears at the door, dressed in her usual work clothes. Her hair is tied back and she lights up at the sight of three of them.

“Oh, good - I haven’t missed dinner yet.” She says, dropping her bag on the couch and moving over to the dining table with the ease of someone who spent a lot of time in this apartment. She takes the seat beside the Doctor and smiles warmly, pressing a kiss to her cheek before pulling back and staring sternly at the married couple. “You haven’t terrorised the Doctor away now, have you?”

“It’s all settled,” the Doctor intervenes smoothly, while the married couple turn away guiltily. “They just want to make sure that I’m not your next mistake, that’s all.”

“My next  _ what _ ?” River asks, narrowing her eyes as she turns to her best friends. 

“That’s now how we meant it, River,” Amy rushes to explain, and the Doctor is becoming increasingly confused at the situation. “We were just - we wanted to -”

“We want to make sure that the Doctor isn’t another Ramone,” Rory says calmly, and Amy nods in agreement. “Because we care about you and we want you to have everything you deserve.”

“The Doctor isn’t another anyone,” River says coldly, and through the haze of confusion at the situation, the Doctor feels affection for River gush up inside her. “She certainly  _ isn’t _ another Ramone. Are you going to interfere with every single relationship I have?”

The married couple doesn’t answer. The Doctor looks at both of them, the tense silence growing more and more palpable, and she tries to think of something to say to diffuse the situation.

At the lack of an answer, River turns to the Doctor and takes her hand. “Come, sweetie, we’ll have dessert at your place.”

“But - River, shouldn’t we - ?” She tries, but River looks entirely too upset and she can’t refuse her anything in this state. “Alright. I have extra biscuits.”

The Ponds sigh and exchange looks with each other, and the Doctor gives them an apologetic look and a small ‘thank you’ as River grabs her bag. 

They leave without another word.

*

Back at her place, the Doctor watches River eat another one of the biscuits she hates so much, but with a little more aggression than necessary. She’s still upset, she knows, but each time River chomps too hard or glares at her glass of milk the Doctor loses her nerve to ask her what that had been all about.

Eventually, River starts explaining without prompting

“Sometimes, Amy and Rory thinks that they’re my parents,” she starts, and the Doctor’s ears perk up immediately. “And in many ways they are - they keep me grounded, they stop me from doing irrational things like breaking the law too many times - but they’ve known me for the better part of almost thirty years. They should know better by now than to keep doing things like this.”

“Doing things like what?” The Doctor asks, genuinely confused.

River purses her lips. “Interfering. With my personal life. They love doing that, even after I told them that I hated it.” She sighs and chugs a bit of milk, wiping away the milk moustache that appears with the back of her hand. “Look, I don’t know how much they told you, but I promise that it wasn’t like that. At all. Me and Ramone, that relationship was toxic on both ends.“

“Actually, they didn’t… they didn’t tell me a whole lot about Ramone.” The Doctor tells her, and River looks up, surprised. “They didn’t really mention him until you came - they did say that you made a few mistakes… does that mean…?”

“It was complicated,” River sighs, and the Doctor takes her hand from across the table.

“You don’t have to tell me right now.”

“If I don’t, I might never bring it up again.” River says softly. “Ramone was a long time ago - almost five years now. We were complicated. We brought out the worst in each other - but we kept coming back. It was the worst addiction I’d ever had.”

“Did he - did he hurt you?” The Doctor asks, afraid of the answer.

“It was emotional. He would cheat on me, I’d manipulate him to do something I wanted. Believe me, I wasn’t totally blameless either.” River says, looking away. When she turns back to face the Doctor, her eyes are wet. “My longest relationship after him lasted three months.”

A feeling of worry and dread filled the pit of the Doctor’s stomach. Three months - that would mean that she had less than two months with River, if she even wanted her. And if she didn’t, the Doctor would have to live with always seeing her around in the lifts, on the stairs, in the hallways of their apartment building - how is she supposed to deal with that?

“How do you feel about officially starting our relationship about twenty years from now?” The Doctor asks, managing a cheeky smile despite the heavy emotions running through her. 

River laughs, her nose crinkling adorably in that same little way the Doctor is so fond of. Her eyes twinkle as she sniffs, and she presses a kiss to the Doctor’s palm. 

“Darling, I’d break my record for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was good enough for you guys!!!!! Please let me know if you liked it!!!


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